nope, that's a veggie burger.

 i have so many issues with veggie burgers. 

firstly, i feel like everyone who's been vegetarian (my longest stretch was about 13 years) or just on a health kick has OD'd on the frozen kind.  second, making them at home is always a big deal… do i fry? do i bake? will they stay together if i don't use an egg?  i've made probably over 20 variations and they always either fall apart completely or don't taste cooked all the way through.  i can say, with confidence, these weird, random concoctions are they best i've ever tasted.

it just so happens, they were born out of leftovers.  so, if you're making this just for the burgers, it's a lot of work, and really i wouldn't recommend it mostly because my precooked lentils were pretty flavorful, as were my mushrooms.  but if you have leftover roasted veg or lentils or both, give these a shot.  they are the meatiest un-meaty burgers i've ever tasted.

i topped them with some ovenfried green tomatoes and had a tasty purple potato/green bean salad on the side with a quick dijon vinaigrette.  of course, i added in a smokey chipotle vegenaise, too.

2 portabello mushrooms, roasted (leftover)
1/4 red onion
3 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
1 cup spinach/kale/dark green of your choice
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chile powder
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 cup cooked lentils
1 cup cooked black beans
1/2 cup brown rice (or whatever leftover grain you have)
1/4 cup whole wheat breadcrumb
2 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh ground pepper

1. Add all your ingredients into the food processor, blend!  Also note, as i said before, my mushrooms were pre-cooked from the night before, in a balsamic marinade and my lentils were also leftover, i usually cook them in vegetable stock with carrots, onions, and plenty of salt.  So, if you're making this all at once, you may need to adjust (add IN!) seasoning to make up for the lack in raw ingredients.

2. Create 4-5 patties, depending on how big you like them, and wrap each individually in plastic.  Place in the coldest part of your fridge overnight.  i'm pretty sure this is the step i've been missing and why my burgers always fall apart.  i will never not make a burger this way again!

3. Preheat oven to 375 and prepare a sheet pan with a rack on top.  Unless you have a convection and don't need to ghetto rig your oven to be one like i do.

4.  Heat a small amount of olive oil in your biggest skillet and sear each burger about 4-5 minutes per side.  Transfer to wire rack.

5. Bake for additional 15-20 minutes, again depending on the thickness you have.  Mine were big guys, they took about 20.

Take a bite.  Get it all over your face.  Imagine you &yours with a big back yard and a grill and not a tiny apartment in harlem eating on ikea furniture.  Mmmmm...